Monday, December 28, 2009

Happy Holidays

This is a short placeholder for me to recall that which I am thankful for and my overall joy that is important to be both reminded of and to reflect upon during the holidays. It's easy to get caught up in day-to-day nonsense and drama and the unimportant problems and shortcomings, losing sight of the big picture, than it is to truly be thankful and appreciative both for this gift of life and the living of it.

Understanding this isn't thanksgiving, but closer to a new year, and I cannot wait for the end of 2009. Not to focus on the negative as previously stated, 2009 has not been very good to me, but to quote Nietzsche strength comes through wounding, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, ah yes!

I will get back to improving this but the importance of sleep supersedes all else!

Happy Holidays

(Random holiday party of a friend, felt its worthwhile posting!)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Item of Interest (I met immortal technique)

The other night I went to my first concert in awhile, with the last concert I went to being Coldplay in Cincinnati. I would say oh lolz well I have been to shows in which i have played, however that would be mildly self indulging in terms of promoting the fact I am a struggling musician, and the fact that its just silly. The fact that I ended up stating this regardless doesn't make me much better ha, but it doesn't matter much to me.

I am trying to take a less pretentious approach to this writing, and maybe I will begin dedicating it more to my music and general updates on what I am trying to record and my current direction. I have an audition in Boston in several weeks which places a large amount of weight on my future direction musically and collegiately, so I'm unsure of where to begin and where I will end.

Anyways I went and met Immortal Technique after seeing him and his posse in concert:

I've met "famous" musicians before, and consider myself quite close with several people who I think may really go somewhere in the future, so I wouldn't necessarily say I am "star struck", I've met Matthew Good a bunch of times (famous canadian musician) and eventually managed to upset him through questions and commentary via email haha. I even managed to start a controversy a couple years ago with several members of Circa Survive prompting Anthony Green to send me several messages from his own myspace, it was actually pretty funny, (it involved them trying to get their fans to sign up for some promo site about an iphone and me kind of shooting it down on their blog, which started this big controversy causing them to write another blog about it) anyways its silly, but unfortunately I have a history of being the iconoclast and drawing a lot of positive or negative attention for my opinions and views on things. Anyways!!

In regards to Immortal Technique, his stage presence is phenomenal. If you're familiar with his music, its quite powerful socio-politically, and addresses social, cultural, and political issues of both minorities and the majority. He's a bit of a conspiracy theorist and slight "radical" in some terms it's difficult for me to elaborate as I'm not 100% sure how much of what he does is "for show", but he's pretty intense and outspoken so I don't want to diminish or patronize him.

Anyways it was a pretty good show, quite intense, and his message is something worth listening to "viva la revolucion", I think he prescribes to the common mantra of think for yourself, question authority, and just the overall importance of people to believe in themselves and others. I'd have to elaborate but its kind of difficult unless you're familiar with his music. Check him out:

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I wish I could express the beauty I see and the hope I hold. I once told someone my love for humanity is the reason I am alive, and what I meant by that is life isn't worth living unless you have something worth living for, and I would quickly say this is my love of my family and friends. And yet here I sit in front of a metal and plastic device, artificially conveying a digitized means of communication that is completely devoid of actual emotion or humanity, save what one can discern from these words. And if I do not count the several people I talked to on the phone today, or the clerk at the grocery store, the only face to face interpersonal relations I had today were between my Roommate and one of my professors.

Under normal conditions, such as my previous semester at school, or if I was living where I grew up, my encounters and interactions would be much different. I will say that my current situation I exist in is representative in terms of it being an outlier, not representational of a normal day, week, or month. But regardless it speaks volumes about how some of us live, as a greater degree of my contact is through the realms of social networking or online communication. I do not see our new degree of interconnectedness and ability to communicate as a positive thing. I believe our contact is watered down through impersonal implementations that remove the humanity from talk. One can have enjoyable, engaging conversations on the phone, and the barrier produced by the plastic wireless device isn't the worst. However the ease at which we can IM, facebook, myspace, or blog our lives away with people we'd normally make efforts to see in person, waters down normal contact in favor of abnormal means to placate our desire for social interaction.

We live in a fast-food era of communication, in which services like Twitter, Facebook, and our constant interconnectedness report the mundane

they don't give you time to actually think of something worth saying or talking about, you are constantly bombarded with the pointless and useless information.

Now the tables have turned on who screws who with social networking!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

changing the world starts with yourself

You can only understand someone in so far as fear will guide them, you can put people in the very situation they have dreamed of their whole life, and watch it collapse to a nightmare if they aren't strong enough, and only end up running away from everything that pushed them there in the first place. A lot of people don't chase their dreams in fear of failing, and its only those who seek to even reach that far, those that don't accept failure as an option that begin to come close. I can talk pretty tough at times, but have even stood in fear of my own words and their eventual implications. Thus as I embark on a new chapter of my life and become divisible, I will reflect on the past 23 years of my life as all the mistakes and corrections I could make so that when I am confronted with similar scenarios in the future, they will have different outcomes. That's all part of learning, isn't it?

Look at this as practice, you have the rest of your life to reflect on the past, but don't let the reflection mirror the future. I tend to only make the same mistake once. I tend to put too much emphasis on trying to make the most perfect choice as possible while negatively affecting the least amount of people at the same time. My selflessness and empathy, tends to be misunderstood only because people don't generally understand how I think or the regards I hold them in.

I am also a strong believer in fate, karma, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, everything happens for a reason, all that nonsense. Why? Because I have hope and faith. Hope for a future with a belief that I can directly make not only mine a better place to reside in, but others. And faith in myself and others. I've been to the brink of oblivion, but equally at what seemed a near peak of the accomplishment of my dreams. I have been on a stage, I have used my voice and self as a vessel to convey a message that had an impact, if ever so short, however I know I can further it and in the future ensure it is more lasting. I have lived my dreams if only temporarily, with no one needing to pinch me, I didn't need to be woken up because I wasn't sleeping. You make the choices you make, you accept the consequences, learn to live with them, and from them, it's all about perspective frankly.

I have accepted the fact that people will only understand me and my actions as far as they allow themselves to, and that the amount and manner as to which I think, and the approach that I take both to my life and the art of living, is something I have rarely encountered in other people, in at least a similar manner. Essentially, if you don't ask, you'll never know, and the assumption that is typically made about any and every situation, is its inherent downfall. People must first accept that the biggest problem in their life is most likely them-self, at least once you gain some degree of self-sufficiency. This is in disregard of environmental factors and silly things like genetics. You have a choice. If you want to be fat, you just don't exercise and eat wrong. If you don't, you exercise and eat right, its really that easy. I didn't really want to end this writing on that note, but I've fallen short of anything else to write on, and at least it may inspire someone to take charge of something they think they have control over.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

hypocrites oath

I have become a character in a play, a caricature of myself, the outlines cast along the outside of my shadow making lines that are hard to follow-

and impossible to read. Yet someone keeps writing them.

So this tragic hero, seems what I have shortly become. A sad shell of myself, in the sense that I have become the antithesis of so much of what I speak for and against, I say this knowing that time will solve this, will resolve, will absolve, and I must have the will and a way, but it is time, that is the greatest healer. It is in this recognition that I realize, so I rise above.

I have become a victim of my own identity, of my desire to create my own self-hood, the isolationary practice just making me distant from others. I can escape this, circa survive, on letting go. It is sort of a personal mantra, I used to be so impossibly strong, I used to not need anyone or anything, save close family and friends. I used to have an unbreakable will, there was a point where I can say things were perfect and I had overcome greater loss than this, but this is a different kind, and not a choice I made alone. I made mistakes and for that I am sorry, but it was a grand culmination, and flashbacks of the past, that made it impossible for me to handle.

But I've risen before, I can't say I am the phoenix but I sure can emulate her, feigning my death and resignation as "the selfish purveyor of the truth", only to come back when I'm good and ready. It just takes time to heal, and to rebuild. Again I used the term selfish, I mean that in the sense of self-providing and self-reliance, autonomous. Too many people are not, I try to figure everything out on my own, only so that I can share it and give back to the rest of the world. That is how I see it.

Too often do people get mixed up, tangled in the lives of others, like broken tree limbs on telephone wires, a web of information and support, closer still to pull themselves and each other down. Because they weren't strong enough to stand together, many aren't strong enough to stand alone, but in time you can get that strength, and when you have it, you can take on the burden.

It just seems many are not ready, and some will never be.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Event Horizon

"These words of inspiration from the years of perspiration from the tired admiration,
for the others let them dream."

I once jumped down a whole flight of stairs, I took one storied leap from two. That was the closest I ever came to falling on behalf of my legs, but it wasn't the last time I jumped into, or away from, something I wasn't ready for. Again because this story isn't over, and it just may never be, to say if one jumped in or out, is to tell a tale that isn't finished.

So lets let it out to see.

There is a quote that gets thrown around a lot in the news, media, public discourse in group settings:

"why do good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people"

First of course you need to define good, and you need to define bad. To spare one of pretentiousness I won't define people, I think that is something we can all agree upon less one is to say if someone is bad, they aren't a person, then I would ask for you to define person-hood.

Anyways, the concept of that which is good is something which betters self, or as collectively in the context of "people", what betters humanity. What furthers humanity's humane existence in a positive manner, positive social reproduction. For one to think selflessly in the context of action, and one to be looking as far ahead as one can see, to look towards the particle horizon.

The particle horizon, the limit of observable space given current time, this refers to the speed of light and its travels, and thus our inherent perception. Unfortunately some don't even bother to look both ways before they cross the street, while others barely gaze far enough to see out whatever windows they have.

And then there are those who have nothing to look forward too, only instead a past they keep reliving.

I consider myself a futurist, looking as far forward as I can, I don't very much enjoy living in the present, I move too fast for it.

Now I am off topic, we shall return to the concept of good and bad. It is hard to delve into this discussion without being a relativist, because when you take the terms out of context you lose their intentionality. What is good for you may be bad for me, in most modern day applications these terms serve only to shed light on side or interpretation of something.

Well being off topic has pretty much left me with little inspiration to finish this post, so instead of going to lengths to prove what I wanted to say, I will instead finish that theoretically good and evil, or good and bad, whatever, they don't exist, instead it is how you interpret or act on what is or is not there. Instead there are lesser degrees of good, I will use a very silly example to exemplify this:

"it is bad to eat mcdonald's fast food"

However what if the food was the only choice for the chooser, one would of course believe this:

"it is bad to starve"

So in the context of this choice we have a lesser degree of that which is good, or that which is bad, badder, baddest.

The worst choice of course would be for the chooser to starve, again this is a hypothetical scenario and not reflective of choice in the real world, as one would hope that an individual has greater control over their food intake, but again look at 3rd world countries in which some people merely live off of Mud and Crisco.

One last more plausible real life example, what if the assassination of Hitler by Stauffenberg had occurred. Sure we have what one would believe a great evil removed however what if the outcome resulted in Himmler's succession, or just complete anarchy in Germany resulting in more suffering and pain for its people. I can't really begin to theorize the outcomes or really talk much historically on the matter because I don't know much about the history of Germany or its politics at this time. But a closer parallel that many Americans might understand, granted in a different context, would be the 2004 American Presidential election.

Many were fearful of the Kerry presidency only out of his lack of experience and the fact that many of the problems caused by the Bush administration, would have been better addressed and solved by the people who cased them in the first place, the Bush administration. After all, a burglar would know best how to protect ones home.

Monday, June 29, 2009


The concept of being happy, of content that is in ones life, is probably one of the most difficult to address on the surface, and essentially a state of mind that everyone hopes to achieve one day. I say one day only because there are those who believe the world to be an awful place, who see the pain and suffering, of both self and those around, with a sort of contempt. And they believe not only will the world and its inhabitants never change, but they cannot help.

They are wrong.

If you were to read some of my previous writings you may believe me to be many things, I don't know what, I will leave the interpretations, or MISS-Interpretations up to you and your understanding. I see this, as is stated in the header, this and the inherent writings, they are an outlet. I'd like to hope that my outlet could allow for other people to "plug-in" and receive some sort of personal enlightenment, to change something other than the page on their web browser. But that is doubtful.

Happiness is about making a choice, accepting reality in context of self and place, and being content with this choice, this can be achieved in control over self.

You need self control.

Now one may say they have discipline, they have this, they have structure, order to life, but chances are they merely have routine, they have repetition, they do the same thing and because it works, it is viewed as control, sometimes even progress. This illusion is quickly shattered when other people enter your life, for better or for worse. Again, in terms of inadequacy, to look at the negative aspect of others entering ones life when compared in context to self, that is a choice. You have to choose to think or feel that way. You can only let another person affect you so much. At first it can be difficult, but with discipline, self control, you can help to define who and what you truly are. Other people will try to project their insecurities,their fears, their shortcomings onto you.

Stay away from those people.

Ultimately we are all people, we all have a similar potential for greatness, it is not bestowed upon you, one does not ask to achieve, one merely does. You either act, or you do not act, you have a choice. A choice to stay or leave, a choice to make your dream a reality, or spend your day dreaming. People are our greatest resource, we see this time after time, and in the old stories of those who pursue material good or hedonistic pleasure only to try to fill an empty vacuous void of endless wants.

You seek personal enlightenment? Do you seek to open or close doors? It is all up to how you choose to see yourself and place in the world, this isn't an overnight eureka moment, this isn't something to rush into, a change you make instantly. Instead it is a slow path to personal self-discovery, to figure yourself out.

If one can conquer their inner self, their inhibitions, their primal instincts, one can then conquer the world.

Everything happens for a reason, and as they say, what goes around comes around.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

defy cult ties


I enjoy wordplay, probably more than most people.  A play on words or a pun, a metaphor, is almost enhanced when one is able to type it and see it, sure of course I can think of words as the word them self or the image that proceeds, but to see, the sea, well, u c differently LOL.

Anyways, what weighs me down seems to be a burden that is difficult to openly speak of, not to defy cult ties, because I belong to none, the title for anyone who can think fast enough, is a play on words for difficulties.

But in a sense if one was to read greater into this they could make some sort of attempt to discern a greater meaning.  That is a fault I find in the field of psychology and basically any situation in which one speaks in metaphors or looks too much into the art of the artist.
Case and point (listen and read):

you see I'm awake
this compute her is sleeping
seems wide mistakes
not worth repeating

I'm buried by your lies
I'm dragged by these ties
you'd use this to destroy this

lawful orderliness mess
lawful order clean dismiss

alone in the lie you bury me
I've read tomes
what have you read to me
this play dough was red and it carried
this play dumb was blue and it buried

I'm buried by your lies
I'm dragged by these ties
you'd use this to destroy this

lawful orderliness mess
lawful order clean this misunderstanding
this standing
will spring
summers fall

a burden of truth
I'm so happy to be
never before so merry.
but alone and this lie I will bury.
but alone and these cries
these cries
these cries
these cries
I will carry

We will analyze one segment of this to show an artistic viewpoint that purposefully allows for multiple interpretations:
This standing will spring summers fall
movements, actions, one can stand, be sprung, and fall
standing will bring upon the fall of summer
to winter, autumn or fall, springs the fall of summer, spring summer fall (three seasons)
well we could read into this one line endlessly

and that was the point.
its a riddle

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Imagine Image Imagination

It seems my images, which grant much dramatic flair to this little spot on the web, well it seems they are down, until then I will leave a video instead, this is a video, a video of which is my own.

And for the forgetful, I said I could disappear, I just step into the darkness:

Sunday, May 17, 2009

This Appearance of Disappearance

Disappearances seem to me traced back to where touch was lost, or where one could say that one was out of touch.  In this digital age it seems that the empiricists have won, and leave one instead cold lonely and alone.  

We separate behind plastics, and keep trying to divide.

Have you tried to add the pieces together and see if they create a whole?  Or have you instead lost yourself in a hole, buried deep down with the rabbits and tea pots.

Alice is calling.

And I am outside the rabbit hole, whole, staring up into the sun, inside and out shining in my knights armor.  And I await for the night, and I sleep, and I dream the most pleasant dreams while the lies, flutter through the nights air like fire flies, while you swat at them, like the nightmares of rising tides of faux-infidelity and fearful chatter of ignorance and stag, to be stagnant.

To never change?  Well I always have sense to spare, I always welcome change.

And I always have good common cents to share.

Welcome Sesame

The world seems to be truly a world of a mathematical nature, not to be seen in the sense of physics or a mechanical or engineered sense if one was to try to measure or express in a numerical sense.  This sense I spare is more akin to nonsense, but given the poor nature, we will say non-cents.

No, I say instead the primacy of numbers, those which cannot be divided.  Indivisible.

There are only three types of individual thought processes in the world, seven continents with seven types of body characteristics, and thirteen toes.

I think Maynard said it best, we are eternal, all of this pain is an Illusion.

This is not my first foray into the digital realm of journalistic expression, instead only now this serves as a means to further an anonymous agenda.  The attention I have pastly garnered has instead only served as an isolationary means to distance those who don't understand, or don't care, I see it as those who are just above being jealous, instead only to be broken up and apart.

A veil of anonymity allows for an expression without repression, without repercussions, or the risk of concussions, of those who fearfully seek to silence a voice with threats. Violence, how about violins?  Singing the sad symphony, sympathy?  

No, fear, guided by fear you will only be lost, it is temporary, irrational, and serves only to push the body into a placated docile imbecile umbilical severed mode, meaning that its average kind will not kindle a spirited response, but instead leave no kin behind. 

If you want to figure out the truth, you only have to seek it, and sometimes ask, asking does not grant an understanding, instead its more akin to those who sit and let others stand over them, stuck in the shadow.

I have encountered my shadow, and I am faster than you.

-Because I understand-